Karen had a busy work life as a Retail Manager but had always wanted to help children from her local community. After learning that there was a big need for foster carers throughout the country, she started exploring her fostering options. She has now been fostering with By the Bridge for six and a half years and has supported five young people.
“I first enquired about fostering in 2016 and attended one of By the Bridge’s information evenings. I had previously enquired with another agency but after speaking with them, realised they were not the agency for me. I was really impressed with By the Bridge and decided that they were the agency that I wanted to move forward with. During my time as a By the Bridge Therapeutic Foster Parent, I have cared for five young people, including a teenage girl, whom I supported until she was eighteen and moved back in with her birth mother, two boys for an emergency placement for one month, one short-term placement for another teenage girl and up until recently a young man with Down’s Syndrome, who I have supported into semi-independent living, now that he is eighteen.
This young man moved in a few days before Christmas in 2021. When he first moved in he wanted to unpack all of his things but didn’t want any help. He threw everything that he didn’t want in his new bedroom downstairs and replaced some of it with the items that he had brought with him, to make the room his own. I understood that this was so that he could make himself more comfortable in a new place, so I moved all of the bits that he had thrown away into my other spare room so that if he decided he wanted to slowly introduce things back into his bedroom, he could.
To begin with he liked to be on his own and for the first day he wanted to be upstairs in his room. After a day or so, I invited him down and the only way he felt comfortable with this was if he could bring with him his iPad and his music. I recognised that music was important to him so I engaged in conversation to find some common ground, asking him about what bands and songs he liked and this was a great ice-breaker, as after this he would play on his iPad downstairs. He did, however, like to keep his music for when he would be going to bed and this would be his time to wind down and have some time for himself to think, reflect and relax.
Once he had become more comfortable spending time with me, I taught him some basic food preparation, like buttering bread and how to prepare his favourite, crumpets with burned chocolate spread. It took months before he was able to do this properly but working together, he managed it and it was wonderful to see. As well as Down’s Syndrome, he also has global delays and Autism. He very much struggled with his speech and didn’t really speak very much at all. People found it very hard to understand him when he first came to live with me. As I would communicate with him more than anybody else, I then began repeating what he would say to me, back to him, and if I was wrong he would tell me. He then began repeating what I said, back to me and this really had a massive impact. People started noticing how well his speech was developing, which was amazing and be a part of.
When he moved in with me the young man was sixteen and a half. He had learnt a lot of things but he had been kept to the side and held back at times from being independent. He struggled with things like pouring his own drinks, and eating different foods. If you asked him what he would like for dinner he always said chicken and chips. During the two years that he was with me, I encouraged him to eat a wider range of foods, including fruit and vegetables and he would come shopping with me every week to choose what he would like for dinner and help me find the ingredients in the supermarket.
My Therapeutic Training has really helped me when caring for him, encouraging me to reflect on past experiences and learn from them. Sometimes something would come out of the blue and you would think to yourself, ‘Why’s that happened?’. The Therapeutic Training helped me to look back and work out why he may have acted a certain way and then go through that with him, asking clear questions, which in turn helped me understand him better and what would trigger him. Through this, we were able to overcome any hurdles together, as a united team.
On 18th September he moved into semi-independent living, where there are sixteen people, who like him have additional needs. We spent the summer doing overnight visits to introduce him to the new setting and during this time, he made lots of friends and is now settling in well there full-time. When he was a baby he was fostered and his foster parents adopted him. Due to their ill health, between the ages of six to eight, he was re-introduced into foster care but still saw his adoptive parents every other Sunday and they have remained in his life. Whilst he was living with me, he would spend a Sunday with me and then would go to see his adoptive parents on the alternate Sunday. I have become good friends with his adoptive parents and we all have a great relationship. It has taken him a little while to adjust to the new routine but he still has a smile on his face when it’s time for me to return home from my visit, and overall, he is doing really well.
Fostering a child with additional needs can be hard and there have been some challenges. At times, his lack of understanding made it hard to prepare for or control a situation. However, supporting him has been so rewarding and completely worth it. When I see where he is now, moving independently to the next stage of his life and seeing what he has achieved, I am so proud.
To anyone who is considering fostering but may not be sure if you can foster, all I can say is to find out more. As a single carer, I didn’t think I would qualify to foster or be able to do it, but with the support of By the Bridge, I have made a big difference to the young people I have cared for. Definitely find out more and go to all of the information evenings and events available – take the leap and go for it!”
Karen, By the Bridge Therapeutic Foster Parent
