27 years ago, my husband Ron was lecturing at a local college and I was working for a fostering organisation. One Sunday I was covering their Out of Hours service and was contacted by a Foster Parent demanding that their 8 year old foster child was removed immediately. Despite efforts to contain the situation Freddie* could not remain with his Foster Parents. I called all our families asking if they would take Freddie for emergency respite but no one wanted to help. I rang the Local Authority but they had no placements either so I called my boss to discuss the situation. As I knew Freddie within the context of my role she asked if we would take him over night. I spoke with Ron and we discussed whether it was possible, we had 4 boys of our own ranging from 6 to 16 years old and lots of stuff stored in our spare bedroom. However, after chatting with our boys we agreed that Freddie could join us whilst a placement was being sourced for him.
After an hour of frantically sorting the spare room we prepared a child friendly bedroom for Freddie's arrival. I was so scared and anxious but Ron was really calm and said we would be able to manage. We knew Freddie had displayed very challenging behaviour and was a severely traumatised little boy but other than that we had very little information about him. We cared for Freddie under special circumstances for 3 months, he was a wonderful little boy and he challenged us but he learnt to play chess and discovered a love of classical music. We learnt quickly how to live together and we were very sad when he left but had since decided that fostering was something we wanted to do. We applied to a fostering agency and started the journey to become Foster Parents.
In 2002 I began working for By the Bridge and after 3 years we decided to transfer to them as Foster Parents also. The organisation appealed to us because of their ethos and genuine caring attitude for the wellbeing of the children placed and needing placements. The people at By the Bridge were all interested and committed to making life feel better for the children and took a genuine interest in them from the admin staff to the Managers. As Foster Parents we felt secure there and knew we would be guided, supported and challenged in order for us to provide the best family experience for the children placed with us. We had quality training that helped us understand the effects of the trauma the children had experienced and supportive staff willing to help us find that little bit extra so that we could carry on and with the child climb the next mountain on the journey to recovery.
Looking back over the 27 years within fostering we were fortunate to meet and care for many children who challenged us in so many different ways but our family bent into different shapes and stretched as we learnt to live together and meet the needs of the children placed with us. Our rules and expectations changed and our own children were fantastic they were welcoming, open, honest and strong. As a family we fully included each child placed with us whilst also respecting their birth family and acknowledged that whilst a child lived with us their birth family became an extension of ours simply because they were connected with the child. We ensured everyone was kept safe but regardless of the history we were always respectful of the important adults in the child’s life.
We are still in touch with a number of the children who became a part of our family and it is lovely to catch up with them and see how well they are doing and watch as they create a family and successfully parent their own children. Several of the children we cared for have even chosen to remain a part of our family and they visit frequently and stay in touch asking for advice and sharing their successes.
We can’t recommend fostering with By the Bridge enough and encourage anyone who has been considering it to get in touch and find out more. We’re a friendly, experienced team and will offer you 24/7 support and ongoing training – you’ll never be on your own.
*Children’s names have been changed for safeguarding purposes.
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